The Last of My Headaches

First Email, 4:16pm:

The event was posted as you wrote it. I stated it was my issue not anyone else's and that I would post whatever arrangements were made. This was never ignoring anyone. I couldn't in my right mind post a MNO and a Blind wine on the same night and feel good about it. As I stated my issues.

I would appreciate in the future if you have a problem with me taking it up in private. I feel not everyone should have to read such things. You don't like me that's fine. I have a few short months with my daughter before she starts kindergarten and I don't need the stress that has been there. I have been very minded to leave you alone and to stay away from you. I would like to ask you to please do the same for me. You may not see that your words cause such stress but they do and I cannot take it any longer.

As I said I have a few short wonderful months left with her before she is at school all day long, and I would like to take full advantage of them without worrying about being barked at on the message boards or anywhere else. Thank you for your time. Good day.

xxHusbandxx, xxNutJobxxr, and lil miss xxDaughterXX

Second Email, 8:11pm:

Either leave the group under your own accordor i will remove you.We didn't
allow this with nan and I can't stand this anymore. LEAVE MY GROUP NOW! You
are the one who is intimidating people. But of course you wont see that and
you will blame it all on Heather like you did nothing wrong like always.And
the blind wine thing I told Heather not to post due to the sponsorship. If
Huggies wants to pull their sponsorship it is due to wanting to sponsor a
playgroup for kids not a drinking group.And yet to quiet you she did it
anyway. And the petting zoo thing the lady would not give a price so that is
why they are not a sponsor therefore we dont have their info any longer it
is easy as that. Pretty dog gone simple. Life is too short for all this
stupid drama.....Leave my wife alone!
xxHusbandxx

Third Email, 7:57pm: (Received after the previous 1 regardless of timestamps)

You have been removed from Tot's @ Play.

The person who removed you xxwifexx & xxdaughterxx, said:
----------------------------------------------------------------
i am not going to wait for you to remover yourelf. you have
caused enough problems. from members that should not have been
removed to generally being rude and mean. my wife is much
kinder than i and i paid for the group for the first year. her
bows didnt kick in until after that. you are no longer allowed
to hurt her or the several other members that have addressed us
about you.
xxhusbandxx

Fourth Email, 8:19pm:

To: playgroup-401-announce@meetup.com
Subject: [playgroup-401] stephanie moody has been removed by me xxHusbandxx
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 23:13:43 -0400

i wanted to let you all know that if you have an issue with why stephanie moody was removed please email me directly at hillbillyracing74@embarqmail.com I am tired of seeing all the degrading emails from and about this person to my wife. i am tired of watching my wife curl into a ball into tears over ONE person. my wife has worked herself to the bone over this group and it isnt fair. if you have any concerns or questions about this please email me directly. heather has cried and been riped apart enough. i will not stand for it any longer. i try and stay out of things but truth is this has been going on for some time and i removed stephanie since she cannot agree to just leave well enough alone. i know many of you do not know who i am but i feel no one should be treated this way whether it be my wife or other members. i am sure if your husbands could see what my wife has had to endure they would feel the same. this does not mean every member is in jeopardy most of you are very kind and bring a joy to the group. but countless nights of my wife walking the floor in tears and endless emails or severe arguments when we dont argue over this person or their views is enough. this group is about fun and kids not rules for making rules and not for drama. i didn't fund the first year of this group for this sort of problems. we had other members that have caused these types of problems and they were removed. this has gone on many months longer than it should have since heather refuses to be a bad guy. she wants to believe everyone is good. too bad she gets caught in the crossfire of her own generosity. i apologize to all members of tots at play for which i am sure you will receive emails from stephanie regarding me removing her. have a nice weekend and know that i am doing what i need to do to make sure this group is happy and fun for the kids. like my wife always says it isn't a moms group it is a kids group.
xxhusbandxx

I am writing this blog for myself. This will be my last one and I understand if you don’t read it; I’m not asking you to. My husband has been gone for over ten months now and when I have a rough night I cannot just talk to him about it. I started this blog months ago and 2 out of 29 posted blogs have been about this.

This meetup has been a very important part of both my life and my son’s. Nearly every friend we have made since our move to Texas has been through this group. Maybe I shouldn’t have blogged, but I considered this my personal, un-group-related space. I have been holding my tongue for months now and letting xxnutjobxx be nasty to me and two days ago I wanted an outlet.

I was also a group organizer for a hearty year; I planned very successful events, I put a lot of time, money, effort, ideas into the group. I told everyone I talked to about it and invited anyone I met to join. I put a lot of effort into the group and months ago I stepped down as an assistant because I wasn’t allowed to make even a suggestion. I felt (and I still do) that a group of over 100 members should reflect majority rules.

At this point, all I asked was to be treated as any other member of the group. I did not put the same amount of time as the main organizer did, nor did I want to. In addition, planning events would take me five minutes, whereas sometimes an event would take her a week; We had different ways of doing things to say the least. I like to keep things quick and easy, and if there’s a problem I like to find a fix for it. She prefers to have vague rules and she is the type of person to decide she is mad/her feelings are hurt, to complain about them, but then to not even bring it to the other person’s attention.

The first email I received tonight was out of the blue. This xxnutjobxx needed something to be upset about. It’s just how she is. So be it. I did not respond (Highly unlike me, I know). Since what she wanted was for me to write back and have any reason to remove me, within two hours I started receiving phone calls; Please note that this is after she asked me to leave her alone. Two calls were at my home and another two calls on my cell phone. After the fourth call there was a voice mail that went on for several minutes from xxnutjobxx’s husband threatening me and talking about “the things I have done” and how xxnutjobxx is a wonderful person and I have had no reason to do “these things”. Nothing specific, of course, of what these things were. How could he be when these things consist of petty complaints like when I rsvp’d “Maybe? Darn Temple :) )”. Apparently this, she said, was offensive towards anyone who lived in Temple. She said this and she was totally serious; If that’s not reaching for a reason to be mad, I don’t know what is.

After the voice mail, I got an email said to be from her husband. He said this was his group, I will leave now. He went on in the emails and voicemails about how he pays for the group (though I thought sponsorship and fundraisers did just this) and he calls me intimidating. Please let me point out that this is coming from a large man in his late thirties after calling me FOUR times; I am intimidating. To whom, I wonder? I haven’t even at this point said one word as a reply, yet I am intimidating coming from this older, bigger, grown man.

That email continues to give reasons for things I have been upset about. Suddenly the traveling zoo that they have said they had no idea what I was talking about for two months now, suddenly it does exist again and there’s an excuse as for why they wouldn’t give the number for it. Then there’s an excuse about why the wine party was not posted. He continues to say that I refused to accept these reasons, but I want to point out that I was never given these excuses until this email. Furthermore, a wine party at an Italian restaurant is absolutely no different than what the group calls a “mom’s night out”, which we have been doing every month for two years and everyone talks about going to for the booze! “This is not a drinking group,” Yet it does not stop the xxnutjobxx from ordering her whiskey sours, does it?

After removing me, apparently it was necessary to slap me around a bit more. It was said that her husband wrote the email that went out to +100 members, many whom I have never met. I believe she helped write this email, as I do not think her husband came up with sayings such as “degrading,” or “Crossfire of her own generosity.” He said I have written many degrading emails. I want to point out that I have not responded to even one of these emails. Then he says, “I am sure you will receive emails from Stephanie.” I want to point out whereas they have sent the group that I was removed from two emails about this, I have not written anyone anything, nor would I plan to act as childishly or nasty as they obviously feel the need to be. Finally, I want to again quote “her husband” and say, “This isn’t a mom’s group, it is a kids group.” Yup. Obviously this was all about the children this evening.

This would have been the end of my blog, but apparently yet another email has gone out to the entire group about me. Here it goes, 9:37pm:

Hey there everyone,
Now that I have been able to gain my composure I wanted to send out on email. Xxhusbandxx acted tonight out of any husband protecting his family and defending his wife. I do NOT want to drag all the details into play but I want you to know that I and he stand behind each other 100%. ALthough I was NOT in an emotional state to act upon this evenings happenings we both agree that this is the course of action that needed to happen to preserve the true meaning of T@P!

As I stated he was acting in a true husbandly fashion and was defending his wife and family. We have already had a member leave feeling this was not in order, and I am truly sorry for that. I don't disagree with anything done and truth is, if I had been able to I would have done the same thing myself. Thank you to everyone current and past that has made this a wonderful group and my hope is we only get better from here! Chin up, as they say this too shall pass!
xxnutjobxx
Founder - Organizer

I want to let everyone know that my husband will not be calling either of them. :) This is not because he does not love me or because he cannot protect me, but because it just is not necessary. He is not petty or childish, nor would he want me to be. At 26 I should be able to "be the bigger person." (Don't you hate hearing that one, too?) I also want to say that I did not ask this “Other member” to leave, and they did not leave because of me; They left because they said this was handled unfairly and inappropriately and because “her families values are more important than a meetup group.” They left before talking it out with me and before this blog was posted. While I do appreciate this action, this is absolutely not expected of any friends I have made in this group. Still, this was very sweet of her. Thank you, Shawna. That meant a lot to me.

On my final note (I promise :) ) I want to say that I’ll drop off B-day presents before parties (Or after for W's since it’s so soon). I would be way to uncomfortable to attend these events, nor do I plan to show up to my own Blind Wine Party or to the playdate we were excited for at R’s that night or the storytimes that I made happen every Thursday or the McD’s playtime I go to every week. I’m not trying to offend you, R, but come on—Would you go if you were me? Honestly?